


Sixteen

by MaraGiggles



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, angsty, tw: abuse, tw: death, tw: murder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-23 03:43:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17675810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaraGiggles/pseuds/MaraGiggles
Summary: And you will always be perfectYou'll always be beautifulOur hearts will never forget youYou didn't belong hereAnd it's become so clearWhy heaven called your nameAnd it just doesn't seem right, was it really your time?Are we dreaming?We'll never let go of youWish you were here but it's becoming clearThat Earth's just not the place for an angel like you





	Sixteen

The birds chirped away happily in the trees around me as I sat slowly. The wind blew softly as I smiled, tilting my head back to catch the warm sun on my face. Then I started talking…

“I think about you every damn day. It doesn’t matter how many years have passed, I still think of you. I don’t think I’ll ever stop thinking about you. My sweet Y/N… God, I still miss you. Sixteen years… you’d think I’d have gotten over it by now. We were both so young, just kids really. But it didn’t matter. It never mattered to us…

It didn’t matter how old we were. I never listened to what the ‘adults’ told us. They said we were too young. Just two teenagers having a good time, but even then I knew better. Even then I knew it was love. I knew I would spend the rest of my life wanting to just be near you…”

**

**I think about you every single day  
** **And every time I see your face, I wake  
** **And it brings me to tears  
**We haven’t spoken in years****

********** **

**

“Oh, god!” I looked up at the startled cry, quickly followed by a loud clanging and shattering sound. The waitress who had been bringing their food over was now wearing it, an annoyed grimace on her face. 

“Dammit, please, let me help you,” you called loudly, bending down to help the waitress collect the food she had been bringing over. It seemed you had crashed into her accidentally. Sam turned in his seat as I stood, intending to go over and help myself. It had nothing to do with the fact that you were cute and I was at that age… maybe…

You smiled up at me as I approached, but the waitress just glared at me for interrupting. I didn’t care about her, though; your smile stole my breath away. Together, we helped the waitress clean up, before I asked if you would join my brother and I. You declined, saying you had to get home before your father finished work. I watched you go without a fight, realising too late I never got your name…

**

“Has it really been so long? Sixteen years to the day since I’ve seen you last, and the mere thought of you still cripples me. Sixteen years without you. Since I’ve felt your soft skin beneath my fingertips. Sixteen long, lonely years since I’ve held you, told you I would always love you.

Of course I remember it all. I couldn’t forget a single second with you. How could I? You were… fuck, you [i]are[/i] perfect. You’ll always be perfect. Always be beautiful. Sixteen years…

Its almost enough to make me laugh. You were only sixteen when I left. In my mind, you still are. Still that sweet little sixteen year old girl who somehow fell in love with a stupid, eighteen year old loser like me. Sometimes I like to pretend we’re still that young.

I like to pretend you’re mine…”

**

**We were close when we were young and naïve  
** **We grew up and we learned other things  
**You’ll always be sweet 16****

********

**

“Hey, diner boy!” Curiosity made me turn at the call, even though I’d thought it couldn’t be for me. No one here knew me all that well, despite having been here for a week already. Dad had dumped Sammy and I for some hunt with a friend. I didn’t mind; being normal was a rare opportunity for Sammy.

“It’s you,” I said lamely when I saw you. You’re soft hair was braided down your back again, and even though it was the middle of summer, you wore a dark blue sweater and black jeans. Just like the first time, your smile left me breathless. But your laugh was even better. Light and carefree, it seemed to ring in my ears even after you’d stopped.

“I just wanted to thank you,” you said dismissively, stuffing your hands into your pockets with a nonchalant shrug. But I could tell you meant it. “For helping clean up the other night.”

“It was nothing,” I replied, copying your shrug and stance without thinking. This time, you snorted.

“Did you see anyone else offering to help?” you challenged, raising one eyebrow questioningly. You were right; there had been plenty of people in the diner, but I was the only one who’d moved to help out. You laughed again when I shook my head. “Don’t think I’ve seen you around before. You just moved to town, or?”

“Hey, it’s Y/N, right?” came Sam’s voice behind me then. I turned with a frown, confused how Sam knew your name when I didn’t. When I turned back to you, I saw you frowning at Sam, too.

“Might be,” you replied cautiously, glancing at me as you took a step back. “Who’re you?”

“Name’s Sam, I just started at your school.” You visibly relaxed then, your grin coming back onto your face as you nodded.

“Right, right, you’re the Winchester kid, right? Few grades below me, I remember.”

“I’m Dean,” I interjected, feeling a little left out of the conversation. It seemed you realised that as you turned your smile on me again.

**

“We were practically inseparable after that, do you remember? At first it was just during the day; you showed me all the ‘good’ things about your town. I lost count of how many times we visited your favourite café and just… talked. And not even about important stuff. No, it took weeks for you to open up to me… and when you did… god, when you did…

I remember the first night you stayed with me instead of going home. If I’d known, then, how much trouble that was going to cause you… I would have forced you to leave. I wasn’t worth it. I’m still not. 

Heh… you would have hit me for that… You always hated it when I got all self-loathing. Guess it’s just another way I disappoint you… you deserve better…

Do you remember this? It’s all I have left of you. One tattered, old photograph. Look at how happy you look. Your smile still takes my breath away. I never told you that, did I? How you stole my breath that very first day, set my heart racing… there was a great many things I never told you that I should have…

God, what I would do to do it all again…”

**

**I miss you, and it still feels like I know you  
** **I’ve got pictures of us side by side to show you  
**But it feels like I owe you so much more****

********

**

I was huffing and puffing heavily, my breaths coming in shallow pants as I struggled to keep up. You just laughed at me, turning every now and then to taunt me, completely unfazed by the steep incline.

“Don’t tell me you’re tired already,” you quipped playfully, wiggling your fingers in my direction as you started walking backwards. “Thought you said you did a lot of physical activity with your dad.”

“I do,” I puffed, pausing and placing my hands on my knees as I tried to catch my breath. “But not this kind. We drive everywhere.”

Once you’d started opening up to me, I’d tried to do the same. Of course, I could never tell you the whole truth, and it hurt more than I cared to admit. You knew I wasn’t being completely honest, I could see it in your eyes. But you never pushed me for details… because I wasn’t the only one keeping secrets.

“Come on you big baby,” you laughed, turning and continuing down the path with a bounce in your step. “We’re almost there!”

The excitement in your tone brought a smile to my face, but I still groaned as I straightened and started walking again. The pack on my back didn’t help, and it wasn’t even mine. I’d made us swap when I’d discovered yours was heavier, and now I was regretting it massively. 

Hell, right then I was regretting ever agreeing to come on this little trip. Until later that night, after you’d set up the tent, and gotten the fire started with little help from me. As we sat beneath the stars, just listening to the night, your steady breathing… I’d never felt more at peace.

“Dean?” you called softly after a few hours. I’d thought you’d fallen asleep, but when I turned my head to look at you, your eyes were on me. You looked back up at the sky then, but I continued to watch the way your lips moved when you spoke. “Do you think anyone would ever love me?”

Those words hit me like a sucker punch to the chest. I couldn’t breathe, and after a moment you turned to look at me with so much pain in your eyes. I wanted to tell you the truth, but I knew there was no point. Dad would be back any day now, and I’d just have to leave you. Unfortunately, my mouth didn’t listen to reason that night.

“Of course,” I told you, rolling onto my side to watch you properly. You just sighed, your hand resting on your stomach as you continued you watch the stars. I knew you didn’t believe me… maybe that’s why I did what I did…

“Hey, Y/N,” I cooed softly, sliding my body closer to yours and lightly grasping your hand. Your eyes found mine, and my heart ached at the tears there. “You’ll find someone who will love you. Someone who will do right by you, I know it.”

“You’re just saying that ‘cause your my friend,” you whispered, turning your head away from me. Without much thought I gripped your chin and made you look back at me. I should have kept my mouth shut.

“I’m not just saying it,” I insisted, desperate to make you understand how amazing you are. “You’re perfect, Y/N. So sweet, and kind, and you always know just what to say to make me laugh… You’ll find someone to love you, and I know that because I… Because I love you…”

**

“I can still remember how soft your lips were that night. I still remember the doubt in your voice when I told you I loved you. How, after a bit of convincing, you started to believe me. I remember the way you curled up on my chest afterwards, your hands clutching at my shirt as if you would float away without me there to ground you. 

You told me everything that night. I suspected before, but I never said anything. You reminded me too much of myself to miss it. It wasn’t until you started to cry that I realised I was the first person you’d ever told. No one knew the truth. No one cared besides me. 

I should have done something, I know that now. But I was just a kid. A stupid kid who couldn’t even stand up to his own father. How the hell was I meant to stand up to yours? I was weak, and I’ve always regretted not getting you out of that town when I had the chance.

I should have helped you…”

**

**You meant so much to so many  
** **I’m not quite sure how to do justice to you  
** **If they’re ready to say goodbye  
**I know I’m not****

********** **

********** **

**

You still looked beautiful. Even with your makeup running, tears streaming down your cheeks. You didn’t say a word as you watched me. Just stood there, your hands clasped before you, eyes following my every movement. 

Dad was back, and it was time for Sammy and I to move on. As soon as my stuff was packed in the car I turned to you. You hugged Sammy goodbye, placed a soft kiss on his cheek before he walked back over to dad. Then you turned your eyes back to me, and I swore I saw your heart break.

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” I said softly, taking your delicate hands in my own. You sniffed, but you didn’t pull away. No, I should have done that right at the start. “You’ll be ok, I know you will. I’ll come back and see you, I promise.”

Still, you didn’t speak. For a moment I was terrified you’d let me leave without saying a single word. I knew I’d hurt you, that I’d fucked up by letting you get close to me. Eventually you spoke, but your words weren’t ones I’d been expecting.

“Take me with you.” The desperation in your voice, the pain and hopelessness… you already knew what I would say, yet you’d asked anyway. Sammy had told Dad the truth about your life, had already begged him to let us take you with us. I should have said yes.

“I can’t, Y/N,” I told you, wishing it could have been different. My life was filled with monsters, creatures that would have destroyed you if they got the chance. You nodded, told me you understood. The smile you gave me then broke my heart, but I refused to show it to you. 

“I love you, Y/N,” I tried, thinking maybe it would help you. Little did I know, it only made you feel worse. Still, you wiped your tears, straightened your back, and gave me one of your breath-taking grins.

“I love you too, Dean Winchester,” you’d whispered tearily, giving me a soft kiss that would be our last. “Come back for me…”

**

“You probably never knew this, but I watched you from the back window of the car as we drove away that day. You were so strong, your tears the only sign of your pain. I know you never meant for me to see you collapse. You never wanted me to see you break down, that’s why you waited for me to leave. But I saw it anyway. I saw you fall to your knees, saw you hunch over on all fours as your heart shattered.

It was the last time I saw you…

Dad and Sam had known about your father. I know I promised not to tell, and I’m sorry. God, you have no idea how much I wish I could go back, say yes. How I wish I had made you come with us instead of leaving you behind. If I’d known…

It still doesn’t seem fair. Dad and Sam had tried to hide it from me, but you were in the papers for days. Weeks. There was no way to keep the truth from me, I would have found out eventually. I would have come back to see you, like I promised… It’s just not fair… you were so amazing, so wonderful and kind… the whole world should know you, your story.

I said no to protect you. I need you to know that, Y/N. Hunting, the life I lead… I never wanted you to have to face the monsters I face on a daily basis. That wasn’t the life you deserved, and I thought you’d be better off without me. I didn’t give any thought to the monster already in your life. I never once imagined things would go down the way they did…”

**

**You made the news and the paper for days and days  
** **But it hardly seems fair  
** **The whole world should know your name  
**I want them to know your name****

********** **

********** **

**

No one paid me any attention as I stared at that wooden box. No one so much as glanced my way. There were more people there than I’d expected to see. Like half the town had shown up. I was willing to bet you’d never realised how many people cared for you. But they did. There wasn’t a dry eye for miles as they lowered your body into the ground.

Less than a month. I’d been gone less than a month. 

Your father wasn’t present at your funeral. The rest of your family was; uncles, aunties, cousins, even your grandparents. I’d overheard the police talking about him, saying he’d begged to come today. No one would let him. Good. He didn’t deserve to say goodbye after what he'd done to you.

He didn’t deserve [i]you.[/i]

Strangely enough, I didn’t cry. Even once everyone else had left, once your body had been buried in the cold hard ground, forever out of reach… I still didn’t cry. All I did was stand there, staring down at your fresh grave and thinking how unfair it all was. 

I could have saved you. I could have protected you. This didn’t have to happen, but I’d let it. No matter what anyone said… this was on me. Your blood was on my hands, and that’s a stain I would never get out. I should have saved you. You were only sixteen years old.

Too young. Way too young…

**

“It’s time… I’ve been sitting here for hours. God, if I’d known it would be this hard… I’m sorry, Y/N. I need you to know that. I’m so, so sorry I didn’t get you out…” My voice was cracking now, but I couldn’t stop. I’d come here for a reason. I wouldn’t leave until I was done.

“I need you to know I’ll never forget you. Not for one second. You wormed your way into my heart and you still haven’t left… but I need you to, now. I can’t keep doing this, can’t keep wishing for you. You’re gone, and I need to accept that, finally. I need to move on, but I can’t with this grip you have on my heart.”

I took a deep breath, pushing myself to my knees as I glanced back down at the photo of us. Blinking away my tears, I placed the photograph carefully on your grave, beside the fresh flowers I’d brought. Then I stood, brushing the dirt from my pants.

“I need to let you go. I met someone. Sam says she’ll be good for me. She’ll never be you… but I know you’d want me to be happy.”

In that moment the wind picked up, sweeping around me like a caress. I knew, without a doubt, that it was you. It swirled about me, and I swore I heard your voice on the wind, whispering that it was ok. I was allowed to let you go.

No more tears fell from my eyes as a huge weight lifted off my chest. I leaned down slowly, a soft smile on my face, and pressed my lips to the cold stone briefly. When I straightened, my eyes connected with a faint figure not far off, illuminated by a particularly bright patch of sunlight.

You smiled at me, still as young and as beautiful as I remember. Your lips didn’t move, but I heard you whisper goodbye, and my smile grew.

“Goodbye…”

**

**And now we, must let you move forward  
** **Our love lies with you  
**Our souls fly with you, Amelia****


End file.
